Madonna Goes All Voodoo To Stop Trump

Madonna did everything in her power to stop Trump. She offered oral sex to anyone who would vote for Hillary. There were no takers in case you are wondering.

Then she turned to witchcraft to stop Trump. She told Harper’s Bazaar,

On election night I was sitting at a table with my agent, who is also one of my very best friends, and we were truly praying. We were praying.

She explained what brought on the prayers speaking about her agent,

“She was on her computer. She’s friends with someone who was working on Hillary Clinton’s campaign and was getting blow-by-blow reports, and at one point she was like, it’s not looking good.”

One can almost imagine the scene as Madonna got her smug smile ripped off her face by reality.

“It was just like watching a horror show.”

Madonna then explained she turned to Kabbalah,

“And then she was reading from the Quran, and I was reading from the Zohar. We were doing everything: lighting candles, meditating, praying, offering our lives to God forever, if only.

The Zohar is a collection of stories about Jewish mysticism that defines Kabbalah.

The Quran is exactly what we feared they were reading out in Hollywood.

It didn’t work Madge, you ain’t no voodoo queen.

She droned on,

“I went to sleep, and since that night, I wake up every morning and… wait a second, Donald Trump is the president. It’s not a bad dream. It really happened. It’s like being dumped by a lover and also being stuck in a nightmare.”

For 8 years witchy, for 8 years.